When my mother was in her 80’s and we were both widowed, we made the big decision to leave our longtime homes and friends in California and move to Oregon to be closer to family. It’s an understatement to say that leaving lifelong friends is hard. I had hopes of reconnecting with some old sorority sisters from my days at Oregon State University, but my mom didn’t have any “built-in” friends waiting for her.
Not long ago, I came across a list she had written on binder paper in 2015, entitled “Things to Do When You Live Alone / Are Moving Away from Friends.” She told me she made the list while preparing for that momentous move. As I read it, I realized how solid her thoughtful and practical advice was.
I’d like to share her list with you. Whether you’re adjusting to life alone, settling into a new place, or simply looking for ways to stay connected and positive, you might find something here that resonates. I’ve stuck some notes and comments in, but in essence, this is all Mom.
- Schedule time to leave the house “just because.” Visit the library, go shopping, have lunch out, go to church. Just get out.
- Seek light! Open the drapes, light the fireplace, bring brightness into your space.
- Remind yourself the benefits of living alone. Quiet, following your own schedule, p.j.’s whenever you feel like it
- Join group events. Clubs, senior center classes, volunteer work, a bowling league
- Get outside. Take a stroll, enjoy a picnic at the park.
- Make plans with new friends. Invite someone to a movie or ballgame. Host a holiday gathering.
- Take yourself out to lunch once a week. Try somewhere new. Pick a specific day so that you can look forward to it.
- Be friendly with your neighbors. Smile, visit, and listen.
- Do something for someone else. Let someone go in front of you in line, give a sincere compliment.
- Take care of yourself. Stay on top of medical care, eat well, exercise.
- Stay up to date on local events. (You’re already reading Tualatin Life!)
- Visit a local farmer’s market.
- Celebrate the season. Keep up with your traditions and decorations.
- Step out of your comfort zone. Go somewhere new and try something different.
- Write thank- you notes. Make a list of people who’ve had a positive influence on your life, and send them a thank-you note. (Imagine their delight!)
- Take a free online class. Learn something new just for fun. (AARP is one site that offers free classes.)
Looking over Mom’s list, I think maybe I should write her a thank-you note. She’s been a constant source of wisdom and positivity in my life. Her words aren’t just for someone moving or living alone. They’re good for anyone, even if you’ve been in the same house for 40 years with a wonderful partner. There’s something here for each of us.
As you mull over these ideas, you’ll probably think of a few you would add yourself. Maybe that’s the point. We all learn, over time, what helps us stay connected, hopeful, and engaged with the world around us. Mom’s list reminds me that even small actions such as opening the curtains, inviting someone to lunch, trying something new, or offering kindness can brighten a day, both our own and someone else’s. So perhaps the most important idea is to take your own wisdom seriously. Get out there, reach out, and do your part to make the world a little brighter.
