Dear Santa,
There are a few things I want to warn you about this year.
First of all, please feel free to come in through the front door. We removed our chimney and stove this year (I needed space for that rather large Dracaena in the corner). I have left a mat out front so you can wipe your boots. I think it would be rather embarrassing, not to mention revealing, if you trailed muddy tracks through my house. Maybe you have some boot covers? I know our Garden Corner Delivery team has a box from setting up Christmas Trees in houses as part of “The Works” delivery service. I will make sure to sneak you a pair to use. Surely that would not be cause for the naughty list, right?
Secondly, please inform the reindeer that our roof has been replaced recently. I know, as professionals, you have practice in all forms of landings. I would just hate to have to fix any more holes. My plants get enough water from me and the leaky sink. The ceiling does not have to water them as well. Some extra carrots may be involved, not a bribe but a perk if they choose not to land on my roof. The street has plenty of parking most nights, and it would seem way less suspicious. I have left a sign out front; you can reference it in the picture, so you do not get confused.
Third, and hopefully, final warning courtesy of my ever-loving husband, watch out for the plants. I am sure, being magic and all, you are aware of the mysterious duplication that can happen when plants are involved. Sometimes they just appear out of thin air, much like yourself.
You must have a secret to maneuvering all the houses in the dark. Perhaps it is night vision? If so, please add some night vision goggles to my husband’s Christmas list. In fact, just move that to the top of his wish list. It would be most helpful in preventing him from running into the new plants after turning out the lights. I am running out of uncracked white pottery! Maybe that is what I need for a “white” Christmas, new pottery. Assuming I made the nice list, of course.
I promise I was not intentionally lying to my husband when I told him, “this is the last plant for the year, I swear!” Plus, I get great use out of the vacuum you brought me last year just from cleaning up all the spilled soil! It really might be a win-win. You can just take that small exaggeration off the naughty versus nice list.
Like most pros/cons lists, the naughty/nice list style can be overwhelming. My suggestion is to look at the three weeks before your arrival. It would certainly shorten your load throughout the year. I always behave better when the radio plays Santa Clause is Coming to Town. It is like a little reminder! Bonus, it plays at least five times a day at The Garden Corner.
In any case, at least enjoy the full meal we have laid out for you. I can guarantee that at least the milk is not leftover from Thanksgiving dinner, the rest of the meal, I can make no such promise.
Much love and many thanks,
Hannah Cashman
P.S. I would also like to add world peace to my Christmas list. I am an adult, after all.
